Pain

        Well it has been a not so good last couple of days. I did go with Jessica to little Bavaria and we had great food, and shopping, and delicious cupcakes... not to mention fabulous weather. But in the midst of it all I was in a lot of pain. It something that we try to avoid in our lives, but if we just take it full face and learn from it we tend to enjoy life more and take things for granted less. My ribs have been spasm-ing a lot lately and I'm not sure why. Unfortunately once it runs its course in my body I am so exhausted from the pain. Of course this was also the weekend that things with China picked up pace.

          So most of the weekend I just kept thinking "there is no way I can go to China like this" I am in dire need of a miracle before the Father sends me anywhere. I know that I have to think with a renewed mind, but moments like that it is very difficult not to be negative and doubt instead of having hope and faith. I am a little (and when I say a little I really mean a lot) overwhelmed with everything. If I am accepted I have a quite a bit of money to raise plus figuring out all of the paperwork. I know the Father has everything under control but I am here on earth and cannot see what He does....kinda jealous there.
I am starting to not plan my future anymore because whatever I plan usually doesn't happen anyway. This post sounds kinda down sorry about that, just need to vent all of this stress that has been mounting since last Monday.